We believe that we have a wonderful

We believe that we have a wonderful marriage. You will not be around us very long before you realize that we are delighted with each other and with our marriage. In the following paragraphs, we have tried to list a few of the things that we believe are keys to our own successful marriage. Don't get us wrong. We don't have all the answers! And while we do believe we have a great marriage, it is by no means perfect. We still have lots of growing to do. But on this page we humbly offer some tips that we believe have been most significant to us. We realize that some of them may not apply to you. As our Pastor, Frank Hicks, is fond of saying, Eat the meat. Spit out the bones! But we would encourage you to please take them seriously, pray about them, and discuss them with each other. Your marriage can be great! This does not mean that we just “go to church” together, or “say grace before meals” together (although we do those things, of course!). When we are alone together, we frequently talk about the Lord, remind each other of how good He has been to us, discuss what He is doing in our lives, etc. If you listen in on our conversations, you might hear us say, “The Lord is so good to us. ” Or “Thank you, Lord. You are so good!” Or, “Let me tell you about how the Lord worked out this situation for me today. ” We have a brief time together each morning when we read, and briefly discuss, passages from the Bible together.

1. (Usually we read about 10 to 20 verses from the Old Testament and 10 to 20 verses from the New Testament.
2. ) You will also hear us praying several times a day for our boys and their families, for wisdom for the day, etc.
3. The point here is not to “brag” about our spiritual lives, but to try to illustrate what it means for Jesus to be Lord of our marriage.

There is nothing we love more than being alone together. We genuinely enjoy each other’s company. One of our greatest joys in life is to go somewhere for a “24-hour retreat” together. (You can read the details about these retreats a little further in this article. ) During those 24-hour retreats, we are constantly in each other’s company and loving every minute of it. Of course, this brings up the question, “WHY do we enjoy each other’s company so much?” You will learn the answer to that question as you read the rest of this document. We never just “order each other around,” in public or private. If we ask the other to do a favor for us, it is always accompanied by the words “Please” or “Would you please?” We try to be very “tuned in” to when the other does something for us—even if it seems like a small thing. And you will hear us frequently say, “Thank you so much!” to each other. We also try very hard to never tease each other in a hurtful way. We have seen many couples say words to each other that are uncomplimentary or that “sting” a little (or even a lot!). Then the spouse will say, “He (or she) knows I’m kidding. ” We believe that these little stinging words that make fun of one’s spouse are harmful to a close personal relationship. Each of us believes that there are many men and women in the world who would dearly love to have a spouse like our spouse. So even though we obviously have many faults and see each other’s faults, the faults seem so small in comparison to the great treasure we have in each other. And we do this with humility.

1. I don’t see myself as such a great treasure, but I certainly see my spouse as a great treasure! If I concentrate on meeting my spouse’s needs, I get great joy from that kind of living.
2. If I concentrate on meeting my needs, I get ugly and selfish and miserable.

Too many marriages have two people who are each trying desperately to get the other to meet his or her needs. This selfish approach to marriage never brings real joy to a marriage. It takes two people to make a great marriage. One cannot do it alone. If one is a “taker” and the other is a “giver” there cannot be real joy in a marriage. Both must be “givers” to each other. We enjoy reading and discussing books and articles that give us tips for making our marriage stronger. (By the way, we have found Again, some married people are always making jokes to others at his or her spouse’s expense. These jokes are usually concluded with laughter and words like, “Naw, I’m just kidding!” We believe that kind of joking is very hurtful to a marriage. We want others to hear us saying nice things about each other and doing nice things for each other. We don’t mind at all if others see us giving each other approving or loving glances. We don’t mind if they see us being polite to each other. We don’t mind if they see us holding hands as we walk together or sit together. A few others may tease us about these things, but we know that these are the kind of things that makes our marriage stronger and stronger. negative about each other. If we have disagreements, we work them out privately between ourselves. (Obviously, there are times when problems in a marriage require that.